I'm a dreamer.
I love to look way past the present, into the future, and think about all the things that will happen to me.
I like to plan things.
I like to plan the way I think my life should go from now til I die.
I want to to do big things.
I've always dreamed of bigger, better things, of stepping beyond the average life and going to heights and depths that seemed impossible.
But maybe, just maybe, there's a chance I've been wrong. Maybe the greater things in life are really quite small. Maybe the big dreams have to be started with a small seed. Maybe the simple life is sweeter.
It's hard to think that I've been wrong. It's hard to face that all my great plans for spreading God's Kingdom were wrongly based. Then again, they were always my plans and I was still waiting for an answer from God about them. I try to swallow back frustration and see the truth. The truth that God might be choosing to answer contrary to my plans. After all, He is the Creator of the universe, the Author of all life. It is He who writes the story of my life, not me.
So maybe I need to quite stacking my hopes upon my dreams.
Perhaps I need to learn to simply live day by day and not in the dream world I've created in my head. Life is not about pawns and pieces, it's about real people and real events that happen ever day. I can't control other people or their future, just like I can't control my own.
Maybe, desiring the greater things in life, means embracing the smaller ones.