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Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Suffering

Have you ever suffered? I mean really suffered? Suffering is a touchy thing. We like to feel strong, in control and on top, but when everything is stripped away and all that remains is a weak and vulnerable person our feelings no longer hold us up. Every Christian is called to suffer. If you have never been through suffering, know that it will come. Job suffered, David suffered, Paul suffered. Everyone that seeks to serve the Lord Jesus Christ will have to walk through the shadow of death and sit in the presence of their enemies.

You know honestly, I feel sorry for those to whom suffering is merely something others go through. Those that have everything handed their way and live in self seeking misery. Their lives are so empty, so fruitless and void.
Suffering brings us closer to our Lord. It helps us to comfort those who morn and lift up those who are weary. How can you comfort when you have never grieved? How can you lift up when you have never been brought down? How can we be like Christ if we have never partaken in His pain?

I see suffering all around. I see mothers losing children, children losing parents, people starving, people imprisoned for Christ, people that just need someone who will open their eyes and take five seconds to care. What is wrong with us!? Why do we walk around blindly so often?! Maybe it's because there are those of us who are unwilling to suffer. Let me tell you something, if you want your eyes to be opened to those suffering around you, ask God to let you suffer for His sake. Once you have had to suffer for Christ you will suddenly see all the things you never saw. The man behind bars will no longer be just a picture, he will be a brother. The writings of a grieving widower will no longer just be words, they will become tears on your cheek. The woman who has lost her children will no longer just be another thing on the prayer list, but a sister that you spend hours on your knees for.

We must ask God to open our eyes! We must beg Him to clear the hazy fog! There are so many people that need our love and care and yet it is so easy to think only of ourselves. When you have suffered or are in the midst of suffering you see the world in a whole new light. Look around and you will find that it is often the people who have suffered the most who give the most. Do you know why? Because they are the ones who have spent hours on their knees crying out to God for help! They are the ones whose hearts have been broken to pieces. They are the ones with wounds that may eventually heal, but will turn to scars that will never go away. And when you are scarred, you see more clearly others with scars.
Jesus has scars. I can see them, but there are those who cannot only see them, but they can feel them because Christ found them worthy enough to share in His suffering. They are the ones who have received the greatest gift of all.

Do you want to truly know Christ? Then suffer for His sake, and open your eyes to your brothers and sisters and those who are not saved. Open your eyes to their pain and do something about it. I have not had to suffer for Christ like some of my brothers and sisters have and are suffering now. But I pray that someday He will count me worthy to share in His sufferings that I may know Him deeper still.

Just some thoughts I wrote down last night as I prayed for some brothers and sisters in Christ.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

A Missionary

From a very young age my parents have instilled in me a heart for missions. I remember reading missionary books with my mom and standing next to my dad as we talked to missionaries at church.

Since I was a very little girl I have always wanted to be a missionary. I was the five year old that said, "When I grow up, I am going to be a missionary to South Korea."
Then when my family was adopting, I became the eleven year old that said, "I'm planning on being a missionary, perhaps to Liberia."
Then I got a little older and wiser and became the fourteen year old that boldly said, "I want to go North Korea and share the gospel." I still vividly remember my mom trying to explain that I wouldn't be a missionary in North Korea, I would most likely be a martyr in North Korea.  :-) (Not that she was trying to discourage me, she just wanted me to understand what I was talking about.)

Through the years my heart has changed in the area of missions. It's easy to lose sight of a six year old vision, but whenever I begin to forget the Lord brings it back. Yesterday, on New Years Eve, we watched some old family videos of when my parents went to Liberia to pick up my siblings. I still remember how absolutely excited and jittery I was on the way to the airport when my parents and new siblings came back. I felt like a four year old on Christmas morning, except magnified. Unfortunately, as it is in life, the "honeymoon" died away and reality hit home that my new siblings were totally different from me. In the first couple years many ugly truths were brought out of the dark that our family wasn't prepared for. In the course of the last six years we have had to go through HHS investigations, countless social worker visits and meetings, police searches and visits, days of overwhelming stress and anxiety, and many other nightmarish moments that we were shocked at. There were many times that I felt angry or upset, our family wondered at times if we had truly heard God's call to adopt. These experiences changed my view of many aspects of life. Spiritual warfare has a whole new meaning to me. It's easy to be skeptical about demonic effects on people when you have never beheld it.

But last night as we watched those videos from Africa, something very strong stirred in my heart. When I saw the groups of tiny little children, that I now know were active in many wicked and evil actions, my heart ached. I cried as I watched those little hands reaching out, and their little voices yelling out, "I love you Mom! I love you Dad!"
What if those children had been raised by parents who loved and cared for them? What if from their birth, prayers had been lifted up against the family curses that bound them? What if they were truly taught about Christ and the Bible? What if they had all that I have been given?

I haven't thought about missions much in the last year. Oh, I gave it a thought every now and then when I heard about someone going on a missions trip or missionaries came to church, but other than that I didn't give it a whole lot of thought. But watching that video stirred in me emotions that I can hardly describe because if those children had been raised in Godly Christian families, their lives wouldn't have been destroyed by sick perversion to the point that they no longer know how to live.

Adopting my three siblings from Africa was the hardest thing my family ever did. My parents have gone through so much. But I wouldn't reverse what God has done. Yes, we have suffered many things that may seem unfair to a lost world, but I can clearly see that it was all indeed part of God's plan. My adopted siblings childhoods were stolen from them and though they may not know how to truly move forward, they now have a chance too. In Liberia there is 80% unemployment. One of my adopted sisters now has a full time job and my brother had a full time job all summer. My other adopted sister is learning some new skills so that she can start her own business. They are being taught about Christ and being given a Godly education. They have everything that they need including food. They didn't have that in Liberia.

Yes, we have struggled.
Yes, there are times it seems unfair.
Yes, there are strongholds that seem like solid concrete.

But am I thankful God has allowed all this to happen?
Yes!

I do not glory in the evil we have gone through, but rather I glory in the fact that my family has been given the chance to do some of the toughest mission work there is together as a family. My adopted siblings have many things in their pasts that they have had to deal with. Their whole lives in Liberia were about running and surviving, but even if our family is just a bridge helping them get across a deep cavern to a better life, it will still be worth it.
I've become a tougher, harder person through these experiences; I know it and yet my heart still melts when I see those old videos. When I see people that need the Lord so very much my heart weeps. I have no idea what the future holds. I may never become a "missionary," but God has given me a work to do here in my family and for now I am content. I cannot change people, only God can, but I certainly can be a willing vessel for His service.

If someday God calls me elsewhere, I'll be there, but for now, I'm working here and that's exactly where He wants me.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

A "Rest" in Life

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the "rests." They are not to be slurred over, not to be omitted, not to destroy the melody, not to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear.
If we sadly say to ourselves, "There is no music in a 'rest,'" let us not forget "there is a making of music in it." The making of music is often a slow and painful process in this life. How patiently God works to teach us!
How long He waits for us to learn the lesson!
Ruskin

I came across this last night while reading "When God Writes Your Love Story," by Eric and Leslie Ludy. It greatly touched my heart. For those of you, who like me, are in a season of waiting may this touch your hearts too. 

Sunday, December 25, 2011

A More Real Christmas

Christmas is a beautiful time of year. When I was younger I looked at Christmas in a different light than I do now. Back then it was all about fun, good cheer, getting gifts.....you know the stuff every kid loves about Christmas. But, now I don't see things the same.

My parents have always made Christmas a joyous time in our house, but the last couple years God has brought us through some... let's say...testing at Christmas time. Last year at this time, my Mom miscarried, I had a sister move out and other nameless trials. This year we again have had some different trials. In my fleshly heart, it is terribly easy to become angry or even bitter. I read newsletters about all the wonderful things people are doing and wonder why my life is so very different from theirs.

This Christmas I learned something very important. I learned more about Christ.
Let me explain:
There was a point this last week when I was exasperated, at tail end and just frustrated with the fact that I did not get what God was doing. It was during this time of exasperation that God revealed to me a more real and true version of the Nativity.
What if Mary was like me? What if she was scared, frustrated, confused? Maybe she wanted to serve Jehovah, but doubted His reasoning in choosing her. Maybe she felt like she had reached the bottom. Being pregnant out of wedlock was not accepted back then as it is now. I'm sure she felt the sting of many a friends rejection. She probably felt alone.
And Joseph, I can't imagine the amount of pressure he must have felt. To have countless people turn their backs on you because you embraced God's will. Knowing that people would never look at you the same is hard. He was probably a good, honorable man that became defined by a deed he never did.

There was no trip to Disney World or countless dinners at a resort included on the trip to Bethlehem. They were two people brought very closely together I'm sure, by embracing a terribly difficult calling from God. I know that just because you are willing to follow God's calling doesn't ensure a happy, glorious, yellow brick road. I'm not trying to place Joseph and Mary into the twenty-first century, but I know they were sinful human beings, and while they might not have had the exact same feelings and emotions that I do, I know it wasn't easy for them.
But, how it must have payed off as Mary held the precious Savior in her arms. Looking into his eyes must have been the most beautiful moment in all of eternity.
The rejection and shame placed on Joseph and Mary were only a small piece of the the rejection and shame that would be placed on their son.


And so, as I struggled trying to understand the whys and whens of life, I realized that I had been given a very special gift. I got to partake of that first Christmas in my own way. God gave me a clearer view of what my Savior went through for me and of why He came to this earth. Suddenly, all of those things that other people got to do and the places they went seemed far less desirable. Someone reminded me the other day that life wasn't meant to be easy. Following God's will isn't easy and yet it reaps a thousand times more rewards than a life spent in pleasures. I think of all that Mary and Joseph went through, and even more, all that Jesus went through and suddenly my life seems easy. The pain, fear, frustration and confusion seem all the more worth it because I know God has something greater awaiting me. Something that I may not see at this moment, but that He sees very clearly.

Luke 1:46-55
"And Mary said, My soul doth magnify the Lord,
 And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour.
For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed.
For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name.
And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation.
He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree.
He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away.
He hath helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy;
As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever."

Merry Christmas
If you'd like to read an update on my family, you can visit my mom's blog at:  http://beatitudesblessingsbroadcasts.blogspot.com/2011/12/merry-christmas-from-our-house-to-yours.html

Friday, December 9, 2011

400th Anniversary!

After I got ready for church this past Sunday, I was reading my Bible before everyone else got up. I've been doing this devotional "plan" where you read a chapter from ten different spots in the Bible. It's a really good study, and it helps you read through the Bible fast, although I usually split it - 5 chapters at a time rather than 10. Anyways, I was reading in Genesis chapter 11. The verses went something like this.

"And Arphaxad lived after he begat Salah four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters. And Salah lived thirty years and begat Eber: And Salah lived after he begat Eber four hundred and three years, and begat sons and daughters...." and so forth - Genesis 11:12-15

I read it and then I stopped and read some of it again. It had suddenly dawned on me that if these guys were getting married somewhere around age thirty and they were living for four hundred some years afterwards, that they were probably married for about 400 years. WOW! Nowadays, it's really neat for people to celebrate their 25th anniversary and it is very rare for people to make it to their 50th. Back then they were celebrating their 300th and 400th anniversaries. (Now there's a line of decorations that Party City discontinued!) :-)
The incredible thing is, it wasn't just Shem or Arphaxah (what a name) that were married that long. It was generations upon generations. What a legacy. I pray that in my family, 50th wedding anniversaries won't be surprising. What a legacy of generational faithfulness. Wouldn't it be something if people took the line, "til death do us part," seriously. Noah's descendants did and I don't even think they said that line. Marriage is a beautiful and glorious thing. I know it's hard and there are times that storms rage, but it is spectacular to see people sticking with each other through all the difficulties.

By the way, those guys getting married around age 30, would be the equivilant to getting married somewhere around age 7 ratio wise. No, you should NOT get married that young, but the younger you get married, the more years you have together - if with God's help you stick with it. (Last Sunday, we listened to a message from the NCFIC Marriage Conference on getting married young. It was so good! I would highly reccomened the mp3s or C.D.s from that conference.)
Yeah, I really like this picture. (That's why I keep posting it. :-)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Christmas Recital 2011

The Christmas Recital went very well! (Beyond what I expected.) I thank God for helping each student through. I was extremely nervous, but as I told one of my students, nervouseness can be a gift from God, in that it makes us rely on Him more.
The first half of the recital was all of the students' solos. I jumbled them up so we didn't go in grade order or level order. The second half was duets with voice and instrument accompanying. I love playing for people to sing or play their instruments with and I wanted to help my students learn how to do it. They got lots of practice on listening to each other and working as a team.

Rachel played, "Carol of the Bells." She wasn't too happy about having to go first, but she did a beautiful job!

Anna played, "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy." It was a complicated song and she nailed it splendidly.

Jared played, "Deck the Halls." Before the recital he kept saying, "I know I'm gonna mess it up," but  he did a really good job. :-)

Kelly played, "Ding Dong, Merrily on High." She had this song memorized several weeks in advance which was impressive since we changed some of it.

Parker played, "Do You Hear What I Hear?" He played like a pro and remembered all of his half notes. :-)

Robert played, "The First Noel." He started piano not too long ago, so playing for the recital was a stretch, but he made it through.

Daniel played, "Good King Wenceslas." He has only been playing for about three months and he did awesome.

Michael played, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year." He is great at making up his own songs and playing by ear, so it was hard for him to do a song written as music, but he worked hard and did a good job. By the way, if anybody needs a soundtrack, he's GREAT at writing movie music. This guy reads a picture book and composes a symphony for it.

Drew played, "Jingle Bells." The song had a pretty hard left hand so he had to work really hard on it. His labors sure payed off though, because he did a great job.

Kayla played a very soul-felt "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel." Playing in the recital is not her favorite thing, but she truly knows how to play from her heart and she amazes me to no end.

Emma played, "O Christmas Tree." She was very pleased to show me her own rendition for how the song should end and she played it beautifully.

Kendra played a very lively personal favorite of mine, "Pat a Pan." It is such a fun song especially for anyone who plays a fife or drum. She did a wonderful job.

Emilee played, "Silent Night," which was rather difficult with a position change right in the middle of the song. If I hadn't known the song, I never would have noticed the change because she played it so smoothly.

Christopher played, "The First Noel." If I am remembering correctly, I think he was the first person to have his song memorized. He did a really good job.

Julia played, "The Twelve Days of Christmas," well, almost twelve. She played the first six days, and then jumped to the twelfth day, getting faster and faster, louder and louder. She did so well, and I cannot figure out how she kept track of what day she was on.

Joey played, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." He has also only been playing for about three months and this song had a lot of new things in it that he had not officially learned yet. He worked hard and did a great job.

Sarah played, "We Three Kings." She practiced so much that there were times that we had to tell her to please stop. She wanted to make sure that she played her song well, and she did.

Justin played, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas." He does not like having to talk in front of people, but he got up there, introduced himself and played his song very well. (Yes, I'm one of those mean teachers that makes her students introduce themselves and their songs. Haha....)

Kelly and Kendra did a piano duet to "Away in a Manger." Kelly had a very difficult part and she had to work really hard on it, but she got it and the girls did very well.

Christopher and I played, "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear." We had fun as we worked on getting it together. :-)

Julia and Drew did a beautiful duet for "Good King Wenceslas." Drew played the melody part, and Julia's part was a rendition of Pachelbel's Cannon in D. They played the best they ever had together at the recital.

Emilee and I played, "Go Tell it on the Mountain." I think we finally got that eight-note rythmn put together. -That was not an easy feat. This was another one that we had a lot of fun on and many good laughs in the process.

Parker and I played, "Over the River and Through the Woods." He remembered to count and we did it! He worked really hard on this song, and it showed.

Rachel and I sang, "Breath of Heaven," while Anna (not pictured - sorry) played the piano. I wasn't sure how it would go because the song is not easy to play, but Anna did a fabulous job. As for the singing, I have no idea.... I think it went well....ask somebody who was there how it sounded. :-)

Sisters, Emma and Julia played and sang, "Jingle Bells." Emma had it memorized and owned it! Julia sang beautifully even when she had to jump ahead a measure. They sounded great and I know there was a lot of teamwork behind that song.

Rahcel and Kendra did, "Joy to the World." The song was a rendition mixed with the "Hallelujah Chorus." Poor Kendra was beside herself when she got a cold earlier in the week, but she pulled through and sang her little heart out. Rachel played just the right speed, which is difficult, and they sounded wonderful.


Kayla and Anna played, "Bring the Tourch, Jeanette Isabella." They are best friends and did so well together. I originally got the music off of a free sheet music website, and you never know how those are going to turn out being that they were free, but the girls made it sound so beautiful. Click here to access the website. They have lots of great music for multiple instruments. (Though some of the songs you have to pay for.)

A few of my siblings and I played, "I Saw Three Ships." We love playing songs with an Irish flair and this one was perfect. Rachel just stared playing violin not too long ago. This was her first performance.
I am so thankful to God for all of the students He has given me. I have learned so much from each and every one of them.

God Bless!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Piano Recital

Ah, today is here....December 1st. I am having a recital for my piano students tonight and based on what I'm hearing in the background....well....it'll get you in the Christmas spirit, let's put it that way. :-)

Please pray for all eighteen of the kids playing. I know how the nerves can get to you! And please, if you think of it, pray for me as I think I get nervous for the whole bunch. (plus myself)
I wanted to get away from our "traditional" recital and mix things up a bit, so it could deem to be a rather interesting night.

But, I am excited and I know God will see us through. He always does.
I'll post pictures later.
God Bless,
Kaila