"I just want you to do what you want. I don't want little robot children that do things and become things just because that was what their parents wanted. I want you to figure out what you want in life," was his gracious and loving response.
One of the hardest and most difficult things about being an adult if figuring out what I truly want. I would like to say, and I usually do say, that what I want is to follow the Lord's will, but in all reality so often I find myself restless and questioning God.
"Lord, I just have a couple of questions tonight. First of all, am I going to get married someday? Because if I am, it would be very beneficial to my life planning if you could tell me where, when and to whom cause it's pretty slim pickin's out there? Yes, that would be very helpful because then I could plan what to do until he shows up. Wait, what if he doesn't show up? Should I be a missionary? .....I know, I know, I'm supposed to be doing that wherever I am, but what about an overseas missionary? Should I plan for that? Or how about being a midwife? I think that would fit pretty well with the plan I'm making. Do you think I should pursue that or would it be a waste of time? Oh, and Lord, should I take a music theory class? It would probably be good to learn the extra stuff since I'm a piano teacher....which brings me to another question. Am I going to be a piano teacher forever? Or will I eventually quit? When should I quit if I quit? God, do you hear me? Why won't you answer me? Hello.....anybody up there? Heloooooooo....."
Seriously, I realized the other day that even if the Lord was trying to answer my questions, I usually don't shut my mouth long enough to hear Him. Sometimes, it's frustrating to me that the Lord doesn't just drop all of the answers to my questions right into my lap. I like to know things!
This morning I was reading in Proverbs and this verse sorta jumped out at me.
Proverbs 25:2
"It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honor of kings is to search out a matter."
The question that came to mind was, what if God doesn't want to just hand me all of life's answers because he wants me to seek them out and learn to trust and depend on Him? There has to be a reason that it is the honor of kings to seek out that which the Lord has concealed. And I guess, in all honesty, I wouldn't really want to know all the plans He has for me, because I might just get scared, or worried, or panicky.......or something. :-) Perhaps, what I really need to do right now is simply "Keep Calm and Carry On." God will reveal His plans to me in His perfect timing. It is my job to trust Him as I am seeking out life's answers. What I really need to be doing is keeping calm as I do what He has called me to do and carry on in the work He has given me. That would be much more beneficial than "Freak Out and Act Irrationally."
So now I am trying to stop questioning God and worrying at every stop along the way. Rather, I'm trying to make my prayer be the words to this song:
"If there’s a road I should walk,
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it."
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will
Whatever Your will
Can you help me find it."
Wasn't it so nice when we were young and growing up was as simple as graduating, marrying the most wonderful significant other on the face of the earth, and living happily ever after with 16 children in tow?
Say what, that wasn't your childhood dream??? ;)
2 comments:
I can relate to everything you said here. =) I was, and in some ways still am, in the same boat. It's especially hard to decide on what to study, or whether to study, when you're not sure whether you'll ever use it practically or not.
Last fall, Pastor John started a Bible study with several of us kids from church who were starting out at college. We met once a week and went through Scripture, but we talked and bemoaned life to him a lot too. =) One of our discussions was about what you were saying here - most of us girls felt the same way. He came back the next week with a little book for each of us to read. It's called "Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God's Will", written by Kevin DeYoung, and it is one of the most helpful books I have ever read. He talks about God's will and, most importantly, how Christians need to make choices and go ahead with life, trusting God and obeying his revealed will, but not worrying constantly about whether they are following "God's plan" for their lives. It was so freeing to realize that I didn't need to wait for God to reveal to me what exactly I should do, because he wasn't going to - I need to make decisions and trust him in those choices. He is constantly using Scripture as well, so the book is not just his ideas. He just pulls together God's word and applies it to life, in an exceedingly liberating way. It's worth a read - quite cheap on Amazon. I found it immensely helpful. And the forward is by Joshua Harris, if that makes you any more inclined to read it.
Anyway. Long ramble and book suggestion aside, I hear you, sister. I wish life were a whole lot simpler. :P
Thank you for that Rebekah! I really need to read that book! You are the second person who has said I should read it this week. :-)
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