All In My Head

"What is the point of this? I'm tired of trying to be content with all of this."

"The point is that God has called you to do this. "

"But, I don't get it. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything at all!"

"You are. You are accomplishing exactly what God has called you to do at this moment."

"What if I don't like what God's calling me to do at this moment."

"Then you aren't living a life fully devoted to God. You're still holding back what belongs to Him. You're still trying to control your life."

Sometimes I feel like I have two people living in my head, like the cartoons with the angel and devil on either shoulder. I have the one person who loves God with all her heart, has a passion for serving Him, and wants to fully devote her life to Him. Then I have this little annoying person that is always trying to discourage me and get me to believe that this life, this beautiful life God has given me, is really not what I was meant to do.  (I know that sounds bipolar, but it really isn't. You must believe me.*grin*)

A friend and I were discussing the uncomfortable conversations that come about when people find out that we aren't going off to college after graduation. It's difficult to stand and watch a persons good opinion of you drop several hundred feet. But for me, the one person I battle the most is myself. The culture all around me is screaming at me to follow them. I'm supposed to ditch this keeper-at-home thing and go off to the world, get a degree, find an amazing job, land an apartment, and live life selfishly seeking all the things that this world calls success. I see it, I hear it, and I know that this is what people expect. The silly thing is for some odd reason I don't even need anyone to tell me that, because I tell myself that every day. And everyday God asks me the same questions. "Am I enough to satisfy your heart? Do you trust My perfect plan for you?" Then, somehow, everything becomes clear again and I know the truth.

The truth is, being a stay at home daughter, serving her family, helping her father, and contentedly following the path that her Savior has chosen for her, is way more successful than what the world calls success. Why is it that we trick ourselves into thinking that the hand that rocks the cradle is somehow less than the hand that attaches a PhD to her signature?  It's not. Doing what God has called us to do, and doing it joyfully is success. Nowhere in Scripture am I called to go to college and get a degree. However, I am told to love the Lord with all my heart soul and mind (Matthew 22:37). Sometimes, loving God that much means being willing to step outside of the box, and I mean really step out of the box. Here's a quote my friend sent me that I think is so incredibly powerful!

 "The heroes of the Bible did not emerge from a cookie cutter factory. They were all unique and distinctively different. The world is full of mimics. Fearing the opinions of others, we fall into the rut of conformity. We need mavericks.  When I read the Scriptures, I see pages full of mavericks. They would not let the culture or the times define them. They refused to fit into a religious box, even if it was an acceptable box for most folks. What made them mavericks? Faith. They weren't afraid to leave a country, walk on water, confront false prophets, rebuke kings, or pray for miracles." Michael Catt

College isn't inherently wrong. But, the idea that you have to do it just because that's what everyone else does, is wrong. We have to do what God has called us to do. Sometimes God calls people to go to college and sometimes He doesn't. I believe God has called me to serve in my home, under the protection of my parents until He brings the husband that He has planned for me. I am NOT sitting on the couch eating bonbons! In fact, there are so many ways to serve, things that need to be done, and people that need my help, that it would be absolutely ridiculous for me to leave it all behind to go off to college! This is where God has called me to be. And I am not sorry if this upsets people. I am getting a huge college education here at home. Trust me, if you love to read and you are the daughter of a book seller....there you go; college education. That's only one teeny aspect of my life. God has filled my life with so many opportunities to learn and develop new skills that I honestly think I would find any other life boring. My mission field is here. All these doubts and all these fears; they're just in my head.  God did not give me a spirit of fear. (2Timothy 1:7) I'm tired of being afraid. God's doing something big in the heart of families across America. God's doing something big in the hearts of daughters! We're getting a vision. But we have got to stop fearing man and start fearing God. We need to ignore these doubts and lies in our heads.

Psalm 18:2-3

 "The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies."