Mr. Bubbles 5 Month Portraits - Sunset

Part of learning to take good pictures is simply practicing. 

My little man makes a beautiful subject, though perhaps not the most cooperative. Working at a wedding and portrait studio, I've learned a lot from following along, asking lots of questions, and getting to learn from a truly talented photographer. One of his specialties is sunset portraiture. I live in a neighborhood that has a big open grassy field perfect for sunset portraits so I thought, "Why not give it a try." Let me just say, having a 5 month old be the subject for a sunset shoot can be really awesome and really testing all at once. For one, he simply does not hold a pose and when you have a sunset that is quickly disappearing this can be frustrating. However, he is super cute - I'm not biased at all - and I'm happy with how the pictures tuned out. I've got a long way to go but I liked how these few tuned out. 

Happy 5 Months Little Man!

Let Love Be Genuine

When God drives home a point He does so in the most clarifying, repetitive ways.

I find that I must ask myself, what am I missing?
What have I missed out on that God is teaching me this?
What in His goodness have I disregarded in my pride?

This morning a stark reminder was placed before my eyes. A reminder from the Word.

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not think of himself more highly than he out to think, but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

"Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the on who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy with cheerfulness.

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love on another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."

Who am I to walk with such pride?

I mean really, the last several months I've whined and I've complained. "Where do I fit? Why don't I know how to relate to them? Why are things different? Why can't I find more people like me?"

Seriously girl, what is your problem?

I haven't let love be genuine. I've been overly critical. I've been downright ugly in my judgement and assessment of people.

But it's soooooo easy. It's so easy to elevate my own ideas, to place my thoughts as higher, loftier, more well thought out. Hiding under a guise of insecurity, I raise myself to an unreachable platform where me and myself can sit and bask in ..... well nothingness?

God made these people! God filled this earth with people! Different people! Different personalities!

It's beautiful Kaila!

This church thing. This family. This body! Yeah, it's more than just you girl. It's a whole bunch of people that God's wired a little differently than you to bring glory to Himself! Lord knows, and He really does know, that if it were up to just me there would be some major missing members. Like, a lot of missing members. He created us to compliment and chisel one another. It's a beautiful thing.

In the last month, God has helped me get to know a few key people in my life on a whole new level than I had ever known them before. These were almost all people that I either felt uncomfortable around, intimidated by, annoyed and frustrated with, or downright didn't give much thought about. And then suddenly, one by one, they became my friends. They became brothers and sisters to me because God tore down those nasty walls built up by selfish pride and revealed to me fellowship with each. The comradery and joy that comes in letting love be genuine, in loving one another with brotherly affection...WOW. The richness of that!

When God wakes you with His words, pay attention. There's something here He doesn't want you to miss. I've been missing it. And it sucked. But to see it...ah, now there is joy and relief and repentance and love!

Perhaps now I ought to memorize a few lines. Not because it's the good Christian thing to do. Not cause hey, that makes me look good, but because I need these words. I need to remember that this is bigger than me. I need to remember that God's Word means something. And it is GOOD!

Hebrew Learning

This last week has brought about the continuation of my mans edu-MA-cation......where he learns neat-o things like Hebrew, Greek, Scripture reliability and the likes. I've wanted to learn Hebrew since probably age 8 and so imagine my delight when he asked me if I'd like to learn it with him. Of course I said yes.

And then he believed me and bought me a set of books!

Needless to say, this last week was awesome in the learning regard. The Alef-Bet song (a high pitched, jumpy, catchy Youtube song) has been stuck in my head so permanently that I find myself humming it when Mr. Bubbles wakes up in the middle of sleeping time to snack. And then, I find it playing through my head for the next 37 minutes until I finally drift back into a sleep, hindered slightly by dreams of Olive Betting a Vet that Gimli and Daleks will bail Hay together.... (Aleph, Bet, Vet, Gimel, Dalet, Hey....and so on.) Why my brain can only remember the correct order of things when I make up crazed stories is beyond my understanding. Meanwhile my sons stuffed lion has been renamed Tav, our sink; Samekh, and our fridge; Fe - which of course is Pe without the dogesh. 

Isn't learning fun?

There is something entirely satisfying in stretching ones mind and exercising the limitations of memory. I find that I crave it! It's like reading a book that's two levels ahead of your normal reading level. There's a satisfaction in finishing even just a few pages, not to mention a whole chapter. 

Well, anyways, Mr. Bubbles isn't sounding pleased and my coffee is nearly done. Writing is now a race between inspiration and my child's pleas for nourishment. 

He's wailing....so I think he won today.

Meet Mr. Bubbles a.k.a. Lawrence William

Time

In the history of most blogs there is usually a large span of time where they sit idle and unnoticed. For personal blogs this means either one of two things. 1. The blogger has no life to blog about, or 2. The blogger does in fact have a life, a very busy life, and thus a lack of time to blog. I believe the latter option to be the case with this blog. There certainly hasn't been a lack of ideas or topics to write about, however, I've noticed a sever lack of time in the last several months and for that I do apologize. Currently my vehicle is back in the mechanics shop for the second week in a row and my baby is still asleep (fingers crossed), and at this moment I find myself with a small dose of some time upon my hands. 

I've missed blogging, especially on this blog. I tried starting a couple other blogs and at last I decided that it was in vain. I wasn't going to write more by starting new blogs. I love this one. This is the one strange place where I can go back and clearly see the journey of Christ working in and changing my life. It's odd to imagine that this was once a place that I wrote purely about music. Now it's become a place that I can write about anything and everything. My thoughts, though nothing particularly thrilling, often found a soothing escape flying off my finger tips and onto the screen. I've missed it. My thoughts need an escape sometimes. They just do. Plus, now that I have a little munchkin of my own, I thought it would be a great place to write about him, his adventures, and all the wonderful little things I learn from him each day. 

So, you'll just have to bear with me for a little while. Whenever I take a break from writing and then get back to it there's a few weeks/months of lame posts about random nothings before I get back into my groove. There's this tendency to imagine that somehow I'll actually write something great and that can add to the silliness of the posts. But you know, that's the beauty of the blog. It's mine. I can write completely lame posts and then they'll be saved that way I can look back and laugh.

All Things New

Bright morning. Beautiful, bright, spring morning.
Sunshine. Brilliant sunshine.
Snow, ice, grass....mud. "Splash!" Running through mud and slush. Wind in hair, song in ears.

"Rise up, O you sleeper, awake
The dawn is upon you
Rise up, O you sleeper, awake
He makes all things new
All things new."

Andrew Peterson

True words. True, spring words. Reality, ever present for me at this time. So much newness. So much change. So much anticipation and wondering.

 

Jesus makes all things new. He has done that in my life. He still does that.

 

He is constantly changing me, chiseling away at this stubborn block of rock, shaping me more and more into His likeness. I feel the pain of His chipping and hammering, and yet, He allows me to also feel the glory of progress made. I'm so far from perfection.....I won't be there till Heaven, and yet He continues to make me new.

 

Do we see our need for newness enough?

I wondered that this morning. After jogging around the beautiful Lake G., seeing the snow and ice melting away, looking at grass turning greener and greener, smelling the aromas of freshness that come with the warming weather, I wondered if I too need more springs in my life.

There's still more ice in my heart that needs to melt away.

 

I need to love God more.
Not in a duteous Christianeese way. It's more of a deep, inward knowledge and desire that I need and want to love Him more. I need Him to melt away the snow and ice in my heart so that the flowers and grass of love for Him can grow.
I want more spring!

But there is also this truth that without the ice and snow there would be no spring.

Ice is cold and hard. Painful and death to the flowers and green. And yet it is life as it melts away and waters the grass. Without the snow and ice there is no spring.
No newness.
No freshness in the air.

Is it not the same in sanctification?
Without the cold hardness of sin would we see our need for newness?
It is only the snow that makes spring so beautiful.
It is only sin that makes redemption so glorious.

If we already see ourselves as good and complete, then why on earth would we want newness of life? There would be no need for Jesus.

But there is need for Him. I need my Jesus! I need Him to make me new! I need Him to melt away the sin in my life. I need Him to teach me to love Him more!
And He promises to do so.
That is beauty!
That is spring.

Glory!
Wonder!
Thrill!

Gah....the thrill of it excites me to no end!

There is so much to rejoice in. Christ has given us life! Do we see that? Do we let that soak us, saturating us like a sponge? It's glorious friends! Pure amazing grace flowing down!

I need to think about that more.
Maybe that's why God gives spring. To remind me. To make me think. To cause my heart to glory in the God of my salvation.

He makes all things new.
All. Things.
Gloriously new.


Little Diapers

Little diapers.
Newborn, 1, 3, & 4.
I packaged all the size 2's last week.

These were meant for babies. No duh.
They weren't meant for shelves. They weren't meant to be wrapped up with ribbon and just placed on a shelf to be unused. They were meant for babies butts.

Call me pathetic, sentimental, whatever.....but as I sat there at the Pregnancy Helpline Center that I work at, folding and wrapping hundreds of diapers, all I could think of were the hundreds of babies that would never use those diapers.

Hundreds of little butts that will never be wiped.
Hundreds of little giggles that will never be heard.
Hundreds of chubby, rippley legs that will never be tickled.
Hundreds of diapers and wipes that will never be used.

Gosh, it saves lots of time right? Lots of time to care and feed baby. Lots of time to clean and wipe and change. Lots of inconvenience. Lots of frustration. Lots of dying to self.

The diapers I folded were clean. Clean diapers. Clean diapers look nice and neat, all tied up with bows.
Newsflash! Diapers weren't meant to stay that way! They were meant to be dirtied. They were meant to be pooped on and thrown away because that means a baby is wearing, using and pooping on them and that is a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL thing!!!
Babies are beautiful things.

There's a lot of work. A lot of expense. A lot....I mean, a lack of sleep. A LOT of dying to self.
But this is a good thing! So much of life is dying to self for the sake of others.
I'm not a mom.
I hope to be someday.
I've grown up in a house with a lot of kids and I know it's over my head. It's more than I can handle. It's overwhelming. It's complicated and complex.
And yet....
I find it so amazing.

Children are beautiful.
They're vipers in diapers, yes.  But really life, children, birth, babies, it's all a humongous miracle if you ask me. It's a mess and it's chaos, but it's a beautiful bit of wreckage!

So I'm praying. I'm praying that all of those lovely, clean, little diapers tied with ribbon, sitting on those shelves, will soon be filled up to the max with poop and pee from little babies backsides! I am praying that those diapers will be soiled and thrown away very VERY soon! I am praying that we'll need extra help getting diapers ready to give away to Mommas in need.
That's what I'm praying.

God, please fill those little diapers!